I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
