PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
