I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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