it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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