We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
