This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
