the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
