Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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