Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
