I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
