I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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