one might say we're banned from that church
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
