wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
