I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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