ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
