when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
