Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
