Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
