i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
