Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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