I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
