My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
