one two three fourrrrnication!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
