Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
