Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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