like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
