I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
