Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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