So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
