First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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