shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
