woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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