Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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