Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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