I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
