i came on her dog
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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