Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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