Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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