my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
