I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
