My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
