Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
