There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
