He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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