you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
