Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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