i just wanna soil my oats bro
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
