im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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