I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
