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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Someone signed my nipple.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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