70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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